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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

what does it mean to be strong and confident?

I've had time to think about being strong and confident.  Some of the friends that I have through the Cancer Survivor Network board are going through tough times and reading their posts helped me define what being strong and confident is for me.
Being strong up to now has meant that I fight against the disease.  That I do lots of research and know that I should not expect that doctors or pharmaucetical companies have all the answers.  That listening and weighing the information is very important before taking action.  It has meant that I do not let my husband die without making him fight the war of his life. 
Now I see that I have been doing the right thing.  I should've been fighting, reading and researching, and standing strong to find him the best treatment possible no matter what.  That was and is still a huge part of being strong and confident; but now, after much thought and consideration, I am also including being strong by standing by Ed when he decides that he is done fighting.  I am not giving up and am not in any way supporting that he give up the fight, I am just saying that it is not up to me.  That there are two more involved in this, Ed and God.  And that when the ends comes I will stand strong by him and will be confident that this is what my role is.  I will miss him so much.  I will be so lonely for the rest of my life, but I will be ok because I will know that it is not up to me to interfere with what must be. 
I hope and pray that liver cancer does not hit anyone else in the world, that when someone is diagnosed is not too late, and that if they do get it that they have a strong and confident individual standing by them making sure that they get the best care possible and that when the end comes they will do what they can to make it a peaceful and loving passing. and prayers!