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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

When the Going Gets Tough ...

The tough go to Sausalito!
It's been almost a month since the chemo procedure and although Ed is starting to show a little improvement it is just very slow and he has more pain than I expected a month after the procedure. 

He saw paliative care at Mather and met his new primary care doctor.  All is good but this were new health providers for Ed and first of all they were surprised that it's been 21 months since he was diagnosed.  Secondly, and most annoying, both came in with the preimposed idea that they were going to treat someone who is dying.  Ed and I did not accept that train of thought and we definitely let it be known that we were there to help Ed live a long life.  So, they said how can we help you. 

What concerns me now is that the paliative care wants him to be on a regular and constent medication schedule.  The pain medication is methadone.  Ed was taking morphine when he needed it.  Now they want him on pain killers 24hours per day.  That just sounds like taking care of the pain while waiting to die.  I hate that!  they want him to try it for a week keep a log of pain and hallucinations and call next Monday.  I hope this isn't the first step to death.  Ed is not ready for this, so the plan is that if Ed is taking the pain pills as directed and he is spending all day in bed I am going to talk with him to make sure that he is aware of where this is going.  As I've said to him a few times I am here to help you.  If you want to be comfortable while you wait for death I can do that or if you want to fight this to the very end I can also be here to help you.  He has always chosen to fight.  Thank God because I am not ready to lose him. 

My work has been very understanding of the many appointments that we have and thankfully I am an exempt employee and with the use of technology I can do some of my work away from the office. 

Joel Osteen reminded everyone to be thankful for all the blessings in our lives.  Monday I was feeling low because I felt alone I prayed and yesterday was a very calm and beautiful day blessed with people that made me see that I am a child of God and blessings sometimes come to me quietly.  Having an open mind and heart allowed me to fully receive those blessings.  there is nothing like praying. 

thanks for reading my blog.  please keep strong and I pray that you have a peaceful and blessed day.