the song has ended but the melody lingers on...

Ed passed away May 17th, 2012.  he was bleeding internally, his blood pressure was going very low, and he had a couple of seizures.  my chest hurts from the pain 

www.deyoungchapels.com/obituaries/tribute.html?url=http://stei-23726.tributes.com/show/Edward-Sanchez-Rosado-93851405 

that is left from this episode in our lives.  I love Edward so much.   

BBQ Tri Tip Sandwhich

yes, the vegetarian phase is done.  Ed craves the food that he used to eat and I told him that it was his choice to eat what he wanted to eat.  On Thursday he had spaghetti and meat balls and on Friday he had the now famous BBQ tri-tip sandwich at Sizzlers.  He actually looked and said he felt he had more energy on Saturday and he thinks that it was all the protein that he consummed.  He says that he plans to eat meat about once per week but does not want to do more than that.  I told him that I am still against eating animal and cannot cook meat.  the plan is to eat meat only when he eats out which is not too often.  I cook a lot at home these days. 

My granddaughter, Faith, is now getting ready to go on dyalisis because her kidney transplant is failing.  she was in the hospital last week and when she was released her kidlney levels were still pretty bad.  they are thinking that they'll do dyalisis at home.  this is more than a little sad. 

I am not one to be thinking why me.  but this past week has been one of those weeks and my whole chest hurts from all that is happening to my family.   I am feeling pretty low and lonely.  all i hear around me is sad news. 

Airforce vs Tumor

so the last scan shows that the little spec that was too small to identify is now growing..but not for long!  The David Grant Medical Center at California's Travis Airforce Base is taking this tumor on and my money is on the US Airforce, what do you think?  am I right that the Airforce will win.  this tumor has no chance.

Ed goes in to have it eliminated later this month.  thankfully there are no "new" tumors just one that decided to grow and challange the airforce and the Rosado family.  but no no no, this is not going to keep us down. 

yes, there are still days of lots of activity - one of those days Ed got the van working again, he cleaned and moved a very big fish tank that we have and had not been cleaned since he got sick.  poor fish must've been shocked to be in clean water.  but most days he is still in pain from ascitis and problems with digestion.

there's a plan to put in a shunt to help with the ascitis because now he gets the fluid removed and it returns in less than three days.  doctors are talking about the TIPS procedure for him and we are hoping that it works. 

he has had a little bit more of negativism but I am trying to get him on the path of positive thinking and back to praying and communicating with God.  this really helps.  haven' been to church yet but we continue to watch Joel Osteen on Sundays which is a great motivater for us.

take care everyone.  if you need to email me please go ahead  mhrosado1@gmail.com

Goodbye Paul

Sue has been posting regularly on the Cancer Survivor Network about her and her husband's struggle with liver cancer.  Last week her husband Paul passed away.  He went very quickly after the doctor told them to go to Hospice and the nurses began coming to see him.  Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying he would've lived longer without hospice.  I am just considering at this moment that he was ready to go and he did. 

Allowing life and God to take control is also being strong.  Sue did more than she could possibly do to keep Paul alive and well.  But at the end we have no control of how long we are to live in this world.  May God keep Sue strong and keep Paul in his care.  Now Paul can watch and care for Sue from above.   

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

So, in a few days it will be 2 years since "the day"
the day that everything changed for Ed and for me.  yes, two months turned to two years and here we are. 

We are not free yet.  there is still a lot of pain and a lot of pain medication.  Ed has pain in the pit of his stomach and the ascitis or retention of fluid is worse than ever.  Yet, we continue.  Some days Ed can't even get out of bed because of the pain and some days like today he gets up early and makes me breakfast:).  He then continues working around the house, asks me to take him to Sears and to Harbor Freight where his step gets a little lighter and happiness is painted on his being.  This is what makes me strong. This is what makes me happy. 

He has an appointment next Tuesday to get the fluid drained and other appointments with his liver practioner and his oncologist but what we look forward to is the appointment at Travis Med Center, David Grant - it ce ever they are so efficient.  He will go to Travis in March to get blood tests, a scan, and to meet with the doctor to see if tumors are still not detectable.  I need to find out more about the spleen.  the results say that there is something but it is so small that they can't identify it.  We will see.  and we will eat.  Travis has the best cafeteria of all the VAs adn we enjoy eating there mostly because you get so much food for very little money.

I hope that everyone enjoyed their holidays - I know that this coming year will be amazing.  We will travel, eat, and enjoy every minute of the year.  Keep a positive attitude no matter what happens I can handle it.  If this is the last year, last month, last day, last minute with Ed it will be the best I won't settle for anything less.
take care
maria

ALL IS BETTER..WHY NOT ENJOY IT?

taking pain medication around the clock did not work for Edward. We finally decided that he would take pain meds as needed because this is the only way that he is able to get up from bed and do things around the house and at times go out with me after I come home from work. 
He had a scan at Travis in November that showed "no detectable" tumors!!!!  He will go again this coming week to have another scan done to make sure.  Ed is already talking about getting medication to treat his hepatitis virus and possibly moving on to a transplant.  this is an incredible place to be considering the early predictions of not living more than 2 to 6 months. 
Ed had a birthday two weeks ago.  62yrs old.  we celebrated at a pizzeria in Manteca with family and friends. 
We continue to stay away from meat.  Ed and I eat fish and eat cheese, eggs, grains, rice and pasta and try to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.  This I think has made all the difference.  He is right now on almost no medication with the exception of water pills, stool softners, multivitamins and a very mild dose of antidepressant.  Of course, the TACE procedures are an important part of keeping Edward alive and confident of a good future.
Ed is wanting to enroll in Delta College to take a water color class.  I will help him get enrolled. 
my thoughts today are a little scattered.  there are other things going on around our lives that are taking me from keeping my full focus on Ed.  My son's friend is staying with us because his mom lost her apartment and he found himself homeless.  I did not want to add to my plate but I couldn't leave him out in the cold so he is with us.  I also feel a little behind with Christmas.  our tree is up with lights but the ornaments are still in the box.  My daughter does not call or visit her dad and that bothers me because I think that we did not do enough to install this type of caring when she was growing up.  She has medical problems herself so it may be that she is not feeling well enough and is not saying.  I feel that I need to get back in control of the situation because this is a very good time in our lives - post cancer- and I don't want to waste it feeling sorry for myself.  Thanks for reading my blog.  I hope all is going well for you and if i don't post before Christmas I wish you a very safe and peaceful holiday season!!  Merry Christmas

When the Going Gets Tough ...

The tough go to Sausalito!
It's been almost a month since the chemo procedure and although Ed is starting to show a little improvement it is just very slow and he has more pain than I expected a month after the procedure. 

He saw paliative care at Mather and met his new primary care doctor.  All is good but this were new health providers for Ed and first of all they were surprised that it's been 21 months since he was diagnosed.  Secondly, and most annoying, both came in with the preimposed idea that they were going to treat someone who is dying.  Ed and I did not accept that train of thought and we definitely let it be known that we were there to help Ed live a long life.  So, they said how can we help you. 

What concerns me now is that the paliative care wants him to be on a regular and constent medication schedule.  The pain medication is methadone.  Ed was taking morphine when he needed it.  Now they want him on pain killers 24hours per day.  That just sounds like taking care of the pain while waiting to die.  I hate that!  they want him to try it for a week keep a log of pain and hallucinations and call next Monday.  I hope this isn't the first step to death.  Ed is not ready for this, so the plan is that if Ed is taking the pain pills as directed and he is spending all day in bed I am going to talk with him to make sure that he is aware of where this is going.  As I've said to him a few times I am here to help you.  If you want to be comfortable while you wait for death I can do that or if you want to fight this to the very end I can also be here to help you.  He has always chosen to fight.  Thank God because I am not ready to lose him. 

My work has been very understanding of the many appointments that we have and thankfully I am an exempt employee and with the use of technology I can do some of my work away from the office. 

Joel Osteen reminded everyone to be thankful for all the blessings in our lives.  Monday I was feeling low because I felt alone I prayed and yesterday was a very calm and beautiful day blessed with people that made me see that I am a child of God and blessings sometimes come to me quietly.  Having an open mind and heart allowed me to fully receive those blessings.  there is nothing like praying. 

thanks for reading my blog.  please keep strong and I pray that you have a peaceful and blessed day.
maria